There are some days when I would like to just chop off my head.
Suicide not being the goal, only a reprieve, I imagine this only in theory. The desire surfaces in moments in which I am truly present in my body, or living from a deep place in my heart, and I realize how much I have been missing with Mind being so frequently in charge.
These days it’s been harder to identify that Mind has overtaken things again. My emotions, once a daily rollercoaster of overwhelming proportions, now have a degree of balance and no longer scream for my attention every 5 minutes. I have also learned each emotion need not be analyzed– which could mean Mind would take a break..but it doesn’t mean that. Mind is now occupied with the 5,724 other things that could be analyzed, controlled, or otherwise decided without referencing what Body or Heart would like or deem wise.
Years ago, a professional Counselor I was meeting with offered a helpful tool for understanding these three aspects of myself as a human.
Think of yourself as a triangle. The three corners are Thinking (Mind), Emotions, and Body. For most of us, the preferable type of triangle these form is an equilateral triangle, so that each part of us is present and involved, but not overwhelming. Balanced. So we can use this image to check in on a given day to how we are doing, and then use this information to make adjustments. If you are feeling “stuck” in your emotions, do something that engages your Mind or brings awareness back to your body and you may find yourself moving towards more of a Balance.
I have shared this image with friends over the years and used it countless times myself. At times this means nothing more than thinking about which end I am feeling stuck in and knowing I am far too (overwhelmed, tired, depressed) to do anything about it. Often, I also have some doubt that the obtuse angle my Emotions have a monopoly on is really all that bad. I feel so consumed in it that life outside of it is hard to imagine.
Mind is charge far more than I would like. It allows Heart and Body to have a voice, but there’s no mistaking who will win in an argument. Strangely, Mind even wins regarding things Body or Heart are the experts on. Like Mind making me go on a walk “Because remember, I decided this was a good thing to make myself do” even when Body knows that the energy just isn’t there. Maybe Heart is onto something when laying in bed with a good book would be much more restorative. Often I’ll look at my journal and walk on by, knowing that Heart has things to say but Mind has decided it’s too complicated, too risky…only to have Mind later fret over how I can live more authentically and why don’t I feel more ALIVE. Mind wants to have it’s cake (control) and eat it, too. Mind wants to have a FULL life, but without the vulnerability, passion, challenge, and complexity Body and Heart bring to the table.
Talking through the antics of my innerself in this objective way (it’s Mind, not me) can provide some perspective and actually comfort. Because I can see the whole circus for what it is: the reality of an imperfect human being trying to become more authentically alive and whole. And that’s actually a really good thing.
So why don’t you give it a try yourself? If my wording doesn’t quite resonate but you like the concept, try out head/heart, head/heart/soul, mind/body/soul, head/intuition or whatever way you make sense of the various parts of your beautiful human self. The next time you are feeling stuck and at war with yourself, take a step back and watch what the different parts of yourself are up to. On with the show.
Daily Prompt Reprieve