Lately life has been feeling very full. I’ve got energy moving through, enabling me to bring to action ideas long held in mind. There is simply not enough time in the day for all that I’d like to do.
Though my experience is not unique, what makes it a big deal for me is those last 5 words: “that I’d like to do.”
Not “that I should do” or “that I have to do (in order to be good)” or “that I have to do (in order to not hate myself)”, or “that so-and-so expects of me” or “that I need to do (to please so-and-so).”
What has my life feeling like a fast carousel ride is this new found friend: desire. It’s always been there, but it’s now less hindered by fear, “shoulds”, and rules than ever before. It’s had me up early and up late. It’s brought me writing here. It’s helped me return to my yoga mat, open up with friends, and eat more ice cream.
Desire also leads me places I’d rather not. Desire for helpful, mutual friendships nudges me to look at what I’m doing to get in the way of their formation. Desire for love and connection in my marriage encourages me to be honest about my difficulty with communication and vulnerability. Desire for change in my workplace requires that I choose the uncomfortable route and speak from my mind and heart.
I’ll live a more satisfying, helpful, engaged life if desire can remain present and free from the should’s. I’ve been having fun on this carousel ride and I don’t want to get off any time soon.
Daily Prompt: Carousel